i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
