I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
