Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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