If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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