My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize