the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Randomize
