I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize