as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize