His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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