I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
