You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize