Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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