Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
