No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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