good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
