I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize