I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
ugly people sure do ruin things
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
