she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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