I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
