He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
