I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
