Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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