i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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