Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The adults are the big ones right?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
