dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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