I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
