im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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