I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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