I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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