Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
