i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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