i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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