so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
