these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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