I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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