My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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