No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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