dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
