When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
