Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
