Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
