remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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