shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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