Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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