evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you had me at cake vodka
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
