I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
