my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Thank you for not boning my boss.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
