Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
if only i could text you this smell
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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