So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
