my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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