So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
