You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
