i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
