hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
