my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
