I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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