Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize