Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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