K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
