Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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