Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Randomize
