My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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