I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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