if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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