I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
