Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
